We Want Chilie Willie!

“Part of the secret to success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside” - Mark Twain

If I had the chance to go back in time and meet Mr. Twain, I’d say, “Amen!” I was watching a couple of cooking shows on PBS’ CreateTV and I was really amazed by what I saw. Actually, more dumbfounded than amazed. Both shows were obviously marketed to the health conscious, or, as I say, “the Hippie Caucus,” and that’s ok. I don’t believe in the Fast Food Nation or the United States of the Golden Arches. I’ll admit I do indulge once in awhile, especially if I’m short on time. For the most part I do prefer fresh and healthy as apposed to fattening and, as the British would say, “Ready-Made”. But, I do have my limits.

On both of these shows, and I’ll keep the name of the shows to myself for obvious reasons, they mixed this healthy ingredient with that healthy ingredient and I had no idea what any of the ingredients were or where to get them. And why where those particular ingredients used? One was high in Vitamin C. Another was a great source of antioxidants. A lot of fiber. A lot of Tofu. Very little carbs. Very little sugar. What’s the point?

The three most important things in cooking are: Taste, Texture, and Color. What I saw on these shows was just texture with lots of grains, nuts, vegetables and fruit. I’m sure it all tasted good but all the chefs talked about were the vitamins and minerals and ways to get your blood flowing in twenty minutes or less. If I add something to a dish it will have nothing to with vitamins and such. Of course, I want what I cook to be healthy, but what’s the point of being healthy if I can’t enjoy it? I like TV chefs who can describe how the flavors, textures and colors of the dish are going to interact with each other. That’s what stokes my passion for good food. That’s what I think about when I read or write recipes, not how it’s going to affect my body. Call me a glutton for punishment, but that’s the way I am.

So what gets my culinary gander going? I’ll give you a hint - I’m from Arizona, remember? They call it a dry heat, but it sure does make you sweat. Just about everything I eat is spicy. In my refrigerator right now, there are probably four or five different kinds of salsas, Tabasco or Louisiana hot sauces or enchilada sauces. I even have a bottle of Tabasco soy sauce made by Kikkoman and Mcilhenny’s Tabasco Co.

Any pepper will do for me. Jalapeñ o, Anaheim, Poblano, Habanero, Scotch Bonnet, Seranno, Thai, Fatali, Devil‘s Tounge. You name it I’ve eaten it. For those who say that green chilies are hotter than red - you are wrong. A chipotle pepper is a red jalapeñ o that is smoked and either dried or marinated in an Adobo sauce. Ancho peppers are red Poblanos. Both are hotter than their green counterparts. Also, until recently, the Guinness Book of World Records listed the Red Sovina Habanero as the hottest pepper in the world. That distinction now goes to a pepper from India with several names. It was originally called Bih Jolokia which means “Poison Pepper.” Now it’s called Bhut Jolokia because it comes from the Bhut region of India. Locals from that region refer to it as the Ghost Chile. In England, some people have been able to cultivate a slightly milder version called Naga Jolokia. There are several websites that sell the seeds. Some even sell the peppers in smoked (like a chipotle) or dry powder version. You can even buy the fresh peppers, available in early Fall, but that’s a crap-shoot. They are delicate and hard to grow.

So how do I know which peppers are hotter than others besides the wanton destruction of my own taste buds and esophageal lining? There’s a chart called Scoville Heat Unit that’s like a Richter Scale for peppers that measures the concentration of capsaicin oil which is where all the acid is. A sweet Bell pepper has a rating of zero. A jalapeñ o has a rating of 5,o00-8,000, but a chipotle pepper has a Scovil rating of 8,000-10,000. The Red Sovina Habanero has a rating of about 350,000. The new champ Bhut Jolokia has a rating just above 1 MILLION. Yes, million. Sweat much? Let me tell you, if you do manage to try some of those caustic chilies you will more than sweat. With jalapeñ os or habaneros, you will burn. With the Bhut Jolokia, you will sweat first. Next, your body temperature will rise slightly and you will sweat more. This will give you a false sense of security and you will eat more, and more and more. Before you know it, you’re burning inside and out, clean through your entire digestive system and there’s nothing you can do about it. What a rush! Of course, it's all relative but still...what a rush!

Actually there is one thing you can do about it. Dairy. Milk, heavy cream, half and half, sour cream, yogurt - they all work in neutralizing the acid. Yogurt is the best. The worst thing you can do is drink water or eat ice. Water doesn’t dilute the acid, it just spreads it around. There are some that say alcohol helps too. However, I wouldn’t recommend it because only hard liquor is said to work. Beer and wine have way too much water to help.

Next week I’ll do a couple of nice salsa recipes.